Failure……

Heads up – you know my little rambles about my own life are merely the prompt for you to reflect on your own life?

And so to failure:

I threw two fistfuls of dog nuts on the grass to entertain the dogs this morning; they found one or two and then ran back in to the kitchen looking up at me as if to say “more please”; that is quitting in my book!

Spoilt much-loved doggies 🙂

These two ejits

If life keeps handing you everything on a plate then it is too easy to ever need to stretch yourself to be/ learn/ do more. We need challenge or at least some element of difficulty to encourage persistence. And with persistence comes skills and success (failure and resilience).

What has this got to do with failure? Well sorta kinda.. and I am getting there. My two doggies didn’t even get to the point of failure as we know it because they quit before they tried. They could make the excuse that they were only looking for one dog nut each rather than admit that they would rather have found the twenty or so nuts that I chucked in the garden (which trust me the crows will find later!).

Failure is something that people fear; like they will be found out as the impostor that cannot do something 100% perfect every time; in other words that you are being judged and that judgement is that you ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Fear of failure leads to people not trying, self sabotaging, and making epic excuses.

I am sorry to say but people just don’t want to hear your lame excuses; we want to hear how you got back up and made each failure count. Did you remain strong, did you try again, did you get back up, did you persist until you succeeded? Then based on the above you aren’t a failure (but may have failed the first, second…. one hundredth time).

Every successful person has failed, over and over and over, and guess what they got back up over and over and over, and that successful person was invisible for a long time until they took every failure and made it a part of who they are and integrated it into the journey to how they became seen as successful. Their success was nothing without failure; it is just that we often don’t tend to hear about it. We (want to?) see perfect and the reality is that perfect is built on many building blocks called “I failed once or twice or a gazillion times”.

If you ask me, the stories about their failures and how they made these into success is what makes people fascinating. The perfect people are rather boring; they often don’t take chances OR they are too scared to show us their imperfect side.

Having a good old rumble around with your failure is where you learn the lessons to succeed.

Failure breeds humility, gratitude, and a fire to try again.

I failed:

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Pushing the limits….

Why is breaking yourself almost to the point of death considered more heroic than caring and healing yourself in our current world?

Take a look at the extreme limits people are pushing themselves to these days regarding their physical health and well-being all for the kudos of being seen. If it wasn’t for modern medicine putting them back together or technology saving their asses would they be dying right, left, and centre as a result of the extremes they are striving for? In times got by survival was more important…

Is the warrior in us confused about where to channel our energy and skills?

We have people going beyond all reasonable balance in terms of sport, business, and life all around us and social media is a feeding frenzy as a result of it.  It appears that pushing your mind beyond balance, your body beyond health and function, and your nutrition into unsustainable imbalance is what gains us attention and kudos thumbs ups. What purpose is this serving for people?

Well they get seen; and it seems that stupidity gains more attention than sense. Because being sensible and smart is often invisible; it doesn’t always get you the same likes and attention.

Are you comfortable in seeing yourself for who you are? Can you strive to grow and challenge yourself and face fears and go to bed at the end of the day recognising what you did and not needing others to? Can you quietly feel good about who you are as you continue to do your best?

Why is it that we applaud the extremes; the broken athlete, the crushed entrepreneur, the person going one step beyond because it grabs sensationalist headlines?

Why do we need to be seen so much these days? The validation from social media requires that we do things that are not truly in agreement with our inner selves.

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Can you make real sacrifices for what you believe?

Can you answer the call? Truly can you?

I spent time on retreat in 2016, in Sedona, and my guide Clint asked me one day:

“Are you prepared, when called, to drop everything? Because there will come a time and you may have to make great sacrifices for what you believe in.”

And I said yes, while thinking to myself, sure I can. After all making a difference is what matters to me. I am passionate about helping people and I am passionate about my planet. This was why was I in Sedona after all, making great financial sacrifices to learn how to better listen, to hear the messages of spirit, the vibrations of the human body and nature to become a better healer and channeler of wisdom. I was ready to just be me and put myself out there on a ledge where people may not fully understand me and expose myself because making a difference mattered more. “Of course” I thought to myself, “at any opportunity I WANT to make a difference; hell yes I can answer the call”.

Now think about it, can you drop everything when called to action?

What is it that matters to you? Where is your soul called? I am asking you to think about it….. not merely read my story example…..

Are you called to be a leader in your family, or community?

To be an honest game changing professional in the corporate world with different morals and ethics and actions, a leader and influencer and not just a talker and to make dents in creating sustainable change in our planet?

Are you a healer with gifts …?

Is there something special that you can teach people about themselves, their community, their ancestry, protecting their environment or to deepen their wisdom about this planet and all of us on here.

Think deeply, what are the things that really matter because these probably fall into one of two categories: people and our world/ planet/ environment; in truth they are both connected.

Now think about the things that you have planned on your list of wishes and dreams; things that our affluence and the opportunities in our lives give us. Sport, travel, education, food, nice cars, a nice house, etc etc. Yep we all have them….
Now think about the things that you do every day; that lead you to be “to busy to….”

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Pain wants to make you stronger

You know when you injure yourself and it hurts how you notice it because it hurts? So you pay attention to it, and do what it needs, so that it can heal and grow stronger. And then it heals; perhaps with a scar but it heals nevertheless.

Our emotions are a bit like this. The wounds we carry from life. They want to heal and help us to grow from them. They want us to get back living.

It is said that we come into existence to learn great lessons in our life. To overcome, to become, to thrive.

Growth comes with growing pains – some of us are more aware of this than others and this is ok. Some days feel like a veritable shit-storm but if we stay there too long we miss the rainbows.

We all have different experiences in life and some occur at significant times in our development (early years) that can lead to deep wounds, and some of us are more resilient than others, or better at blocking it out and building a giant wall to contain the pain wound. Some of are so sensitive that the world of people can create great misunderstanding and emotional trauma. You are not weak, they are not necessarily cold callous strong – it is just a case of different thresholds, different experiences, different nurturing at crucial times to build attachment, skills and resilience.

Life is a gift, of this there is no doubt; it is often hard to shed light on the deepest wounds because they hurt and then we feel ungrateful even giving them a voice. And awareness can cause us to focus so far inwards that at times it can feel like we have just opened Pandora’s box to victim-hood and feeling sorry for ourselves. Yet without looking in, we cannot put love into the emptiest of places, we cannot ask questions about what all this means, we cannot have awareness of what that pain feels like or how it drives our actions and behaviours and then we cannot find solutions and strategies to live to our full potential.

No, we must sometimes look in, to start shining out. Healing doesn’t always make it go away; but it teaches you to face and over come fears and limiting beliefs. It shows you that it is worth braving life in all its wonder.

The pain triggers we each hold can be very different, and how these express through our actions and words and walls or physical pain can be so different between us all that there is no right or wrong. It just is. But to run from or ignore the wounds and the inner child can sometimes hurt us even more. You will know your best strategy. Not every one of us needs to open that box; some of us don’t need to understand or unravel it and find that the best solution is to leave the box closed and move on in life.

Respect how one another wants to deal with things; but don’t reward people’s bad behaviour.

We all have to ‘grow up’ at some point which essentially means growing through our experiences and understanding that this is a process asking for patience and curiosity.

We cannot throw the pain out as anger or control or other negative patterns at other people… this isn’t fair and it isn’t being responsible; nor can we throw these negative emotions inwards in self-destruction.

Let the process unfold…

We are all far stronger than we believe; and although deep hurts can leave us feeling alone, abandoned, isolated, scared, fearful, anxious, depressed, angry and so on there are many ways to release these emotions and replace them with new focus and goals and more importantly compassion; compassion for ourselves and for all humanity.

Feeling alone and unsupported is a trigger for me. Some days I feel desperately alone feeling the world and her pain. I feel emotions from within and coming at me from externally. It then triggers many irrational thoughts around letting people close, trusting, fears over the people I love leaving and feeling alone and separate in my family. The fears manifest in my body with anxiety and unrest and tummy issues and my head starts to go a million miles into the conflict of emotional feelings versus physical feelings. Words not related to the trigger but that I experienced from my past surface. It all becomes a bit of a mash. I push people further away, I forget my support team of spirit world that are there holding me safe. I doubt my capacity to help people and do what drives me in the world because I don’t feel strong enough. All triggered from my childhood and experiences through life and yet so so powerful that the best I can do is to continue growing from them and being better as a person.

Nature world fills my cup and heals me

It’s a slippery slope and yet the world around me thinks that I am strong….. hilarious really. Also I am highly aware of the tools that help me, the skills I have learnt to shift my focus, the powerful healing that surrounds me in Mother Nature. The strong man by my side believing in me. You see, I too scramble around in this mess of pain, because I must understand it to do the work that I do and understand you. If it was simple to just snap out of it all then I would have zero compassion.

I KNOW many big scary and overwhelming feelings and emotions because I have been there too. I understand more than anything how badly you want to feel seen, and heard, and safe and supported.

I get it that some days it all feels too much.

I also know that to shift focus into a better feeling space is possible; and to see yourself as the beautiful caring individual that you are is also possible.

You didn’t come here to stay stuck; you came here to emerge and fly………..

You aren’t mad, you aren’t daft and you aren’t selfish…..acknowledge the feelings and start to see your story as a journey towards something great and the greatness is in every step.

The story of your life…. you can write everything after chapter 1.

Love,
Andrea

PS these words grabbed my attention this week; I think from A Note from the Universe!

Those who are needy of attention, Andrea, hide from themselves their greatness.

Those who are needy of opportunity, Andrea, hide from themselves their power to create.

And those who are needy of love, Andrea, hide from themselves what’s already there.

Journey of a thousand steps….

Be mindful how you measure yourself

The journey of a thousand steps cannot be measured by the last one…..

Life and how good we are at doing life, of late seems to be increasingly measured by the success of our performance in one thing: one race, one competition, one event, one exam, one XYZ.

We measure ourselves harshly on this one moment. We forget what we learned, who we became, how our skills grew, the obstacles we overcame, the relationships we built, so many positives to every step of the way.

For most of us it’s a complex process getting to the start, the race, the exam, the event, that big thing. The journey is often riddled with life challenges, personal obstacles, the thief of time management and all sorts of curve balls. The substance of life, that grows us!

Why do we so desperately want to measure and define our entire identity on just this one thing? We believe that we are judged by everyone on that one thing and as a result, it often becomes our biggest brag or biggest excuse. Neither of which are a pleasant energy to be around. We become needy, needy to be seen and recognised. It becomes our identity.

And yet often what matters more is who we truly are as a whole person, how we behave and act, and how we are remembered by others: in other words each step along the way and how this dynamically forms us.

See the journey of a thousand steps…as a thousand steps of life, growth,experience, learning, strength…the last step takes on a far greater meaning when you take a moment and contemplate each step that fell before.

Me on a long walk, focusing on the steps. When you get ‘there’ take a moment to absorb the view, not get absorbed in you and a litany of judgements.

I am not especially religious but imagine if God only judged each one of us at those pearly gates by how fast we climbed the steps, the drama of our death, the bragging of our pain, or with our litany of excuses…no he acknowledges the thousands steps that you took before this; steps that were often invisible and alone in the quiet spaces of your life.

Love,
Andrea

Lovely article on how important connection is… from the beginning.

The Opposite Of Addiction is Connection

By Jonathan Davis on Friday July 17th, 2015

Do Stronger Human Connections Immunise Us Against Emotional Distress?

Right now an exciting new perspective on addiction is emerging. Johann Harri, author of Chasing The Scream, recently captured widespread public interest with his Ted talk Everything You Know About Addiction Is Wrong, where he concluded with this powerful statement:

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. – Johann Harri

These sentiments are augmented by a growing number of experts, including addiction specialist Dr Gabor Maté, who cites ’emotional loss and trauma’ as the core of addiction. Compare this ’emotional loss’ to Johan Harri’s idea about lack of connection and it is clear they’re talking about a similar emotional condition.

Click here to read on: here I would like to add to this that for highly sensitive persons and empaths what is considered a non-traumatic experience in childhood can be perceived as a traumatic experience and carried forward as an emotional wound that can lead to poor coping skills. Eating disorders, alcohol and drug addition being common routes of pain escape. So its not about what you or I consider to be a trauma but how the infant/ child/ teen/ adult perceives the experience.

Love,
Andrea

Are you a leader, coach, teacher? Think that you do a good job?

This article is about business leaders, team leaders, coaches, teachers, consultants, healers, parents; in truth anyone that works to guide, support, teach and educate people.

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How we lead is more about the people we lead than it ever is about us.

Familiar with these?

We can have all the knowledge in the world, think that we are an influencer, a game changer and at the top of the heap; but without genuine connection to those we seek to influence, and an ability to adapt to each individual and their learning style what we achieve is limited.

I know, the truth of this reality is tough because it means that leading comes with a responsibility to be a people person, to learn about body language and communication skills and how to connect with people on a meaningful level for us to successfully impart the skills, education, or information on to those we lead.

It means that we must be more than just smart, that we must hold more than just a vision, and that we must know more than just the goals and destination that we desire to get to. We must be able to inspire, inform, empower, educate and motivate people; tough job eh!

For example, have you ever had someone tell you so many negatives about the way that you do things that you just want to curl up and die, literally feeling the motivation leach from your body?

When learning something have you felt frustrated at over-instruction or lack of instruction?

Have you ever had someone tell you to do something in mumbo jumbo language leaving you feeling daft?

Has someone of more power over you left you feeling small and meaningless?

Have you felt the desperation of never feeling heard?

The frustrating of not feeling understood when you have important insights?

See, those we lead want to have a voice also, as much as they seek to learn.

Our current world is full of experts, people full of talk, and so little action.

Leading people and youngsters whether you are a CEO, team leader, coach, teacher or parent takes talking, acting, listening and observing.

Ask yourself the next time you have an interaction:

  • Am I getting the message through?
  • How can I best get the message through; what is their learning style? E.g. visual or verbal.
  • Does this person understand what I am trying to communicate? How do I know?
  • Am I aware of their body language?
  • Do they need a tough ass or a gentle approach?
  • How much information can they take on board at once?
  • How can I make is simpler? Do they need to know why and how, or just why, or just how?
  • How do I keep motivation levels high and interest levels strong in the task at hand?
  • What environment best suits the learning skills of the person in question?
  • How can I push those I lead to become more, to have breakthroughs and encourage innovation and creativity?
  • and finally what can I learn from this?

It’s easy to call yourself a leader; not so easy to be seen as one.

Love,
Andrea

Ten words of advice to the young girl that didn’t understand her sensitivity

This article is for all sensitive persons and their parents and loved ones. I hope it helps.

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Life is a barrel of lessons; that hurt. I didn’t have a clue about what sensitivity and empathic traits were growing up. This led to epic fails, bad decisions, and painful mistakes.

It also ultimately led to understanding people, having compassion for lifes journey, noticing the smallest of delights in our wonderful world, being open to the universal nudges and wisdom gifted in every moment and ultimately led me to arriving at a place of self acceptance.

At some point; I promise you life WILL make sense, each moment will feel special and you will see yourself with the kindest of eyes and gentlest of hearts. You will see that you are someone, just like everyone, doing their best. This rainbow of happy vibes doesn’t happen every day; being sensitive in a fast paced world is a mixed bag of tricks; but it gets easier.

Throw yourself in; own it, breathe it, live it; YOUR way.

Life threw a lot at me; and that chat can stay asleep for another day. This article is not about me, but a gentle voice of advice and support that you can take on board or not!

That’s just it, being a highly sensitive person you have sort of popped out with a strong inner voice that knows what is right for you. Practice this now with my words. Some will resonate and some will not. Think about it, play with it and take it from there.

So, if I was standing in front of myself aged lets say 16 to 30 again (because these years contained the most “it fucking sucks” wounds); what would I say to myself about navigating life.

That’s me aged 19 – wish i could say that was an ice-cream. Uni ball 1995

One.

Let’s first make it clear that if you are sensitive or empathic you have a radar to feel that is set at a different threshold for what you sense.

The obvious ones such as noise, stimulus and emotions are felt a little more deeply; but normally this isn’t obvious until several things trigger you and you go from hero to zero in a meltdown which can be an explosion of tears, anger, walls, or negative coping skills. For example a loud commute to school in traffic or someone playing the radio one notch too high, someone banging a pen off the desk, a flickering light and then someone says something negative to you. Ordinarily you could hold it in for ONE of these, but the x, y, and z added to make 1000 in terms of sensory overload.

I wish mine were that calm!

But also your radar is acutely tuned to feel people and the world. Thoughts, emotions, vibrations, pain, world news, and even lunar, solar and weather patterns; on some level and in a variety of ways these can be sensed. How you know all that you sense is not entirely clear to you and many times you will feel a little odd, unsure, and shaky in what exactly it is that you are sensing.

Some sensitive persons can feel spirit energy and thoughts and feelings in places from events that may have happened in the past or recent past. These ‘knowings’ can feel positive or negative; but generally it is only the negative ones that grab our attention with a big wallop of anxiety.

The dream world can also be intense; beautiful, surreal, prophetic, fore-warning and the whole mash up of life. This can lead to fatigue in some and a feeling of not being grounded or fully present. Does this sound like you?

You are NOT mad; start to practice clearing the clutter and spend time deciphering the messages that are important with a “lets understand this message button”, and over-riding the ones that aren’t with a “delete” button. Too much time spent trying to figure everything out is wasting your time and precious energy. And if emotionally you feel all over the shop, it truly is helpful to have support. I didn’t have support. It was scary and overwhelming; often.

In a nutshell, learn to be discerning.

Two

It’s not all about you. Ouch.

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let strength of mind, body, and emotions be the buffer…

I bet some days you wish that you weren’t so sensitive, that you didn’t care, that you could be cold and numb to the world around you and more like “other people”.

It feels tough doesn’t it? You feel separate, misunderstood, and life seems to throw impossible curve ball after impossible curve ball at you?

Your body feels tired, at times you feel sorry for yourself, and you keep running to people in the hope that they will say that you are special as well as normal and not crazy. You want to find someone who will make it better and so you run; you run into controlling relationships, therapists that take your power away, spiritual groups that say you must heal yourself to be whole, and maybe even religion that says we can be saved. There are probably a gazzillion others ways that you run; can you think of them?

sometimes it is our perception of being alone that leads to so much pain and isolation. Our pains and wounds, our past life cellular memory triggered by present. Sometimes, our reality is not in truth as we believe….often there is an abundance of love, support and connection trying to find us. But we have built walls and so cannot feel….and we have expectations and place an impossible standard on those people who quite simply love us….

You get stuck in endless negative arguments on social media about how to eat, how to heal, and about illness like fibromyalgia, lymes, chronic fatigue and more. You get pulled into attachment to a specific way, the only way; and it feels hard to let go and accept the cornucopia of wondrous beliefs and theories in our beautiful and diverse worlds.

You feel separate, misunderstood, alone. We all feel separate and alone; because we keep finding things wrong with ourselves, with others and then creating labels for it all.

Why do we need to label just being?

So, how far do you want to run into strategies to stop feeling? What if you could actually feel more?

Feeling is the end result of the information that our senses give us; senses that run right along a spectrum for us all from taste, smell, sight and touch to being able to sense the more subtle energy vibrations of earth and her plants and animals, the body and its cellular vibrations, thoughts and state of being; to everything that is out there and beyond in terms of planets, the sun and the moon.

Everything is energy, and energy has a hum; life has a vibration and how this is sensed can vary between us; for good reason!

So, do you want to feel more or less? How are you going to use these senses?

There gifted people walking amongst us; every one of us with a role. Some are highly sensitive and attuned to feel subtle energies and use it as information, and others more tapped into the energy picture as a whole; the people who create and do. So many of us and we all sense in slightly different ways and use this to do slightly different things.

Some of us feel at home in the vibrancy of a city, people and the mass energy of numbers and others in the slower paced calm of nature; where every small vibration is felt at a different level of intensity.

We are a collective, all here on a mission, all tuned to the vibes that serve our path. No one is better than or lesser than; we are all connected, intertwined and here for the ride.

Life can feel terribly overwhelming however to the sensitive persons tuned to feel every small subtle vibration. It can overload the senses if you don’t employ crucial self-care skills and learn to understand your thresholds and how to manage them. This is something that I have had to learn for me to thrive in this world and something I am passionate about sharing with my clients.

And now to my point; the past weeks have been tough for people who feel a lot. For some these weeks have felt like months and years; their whole lives perhaps.

We can become a victim to our greatest gifts and I am here to ask you to stand to attention and ask these questions:

  • Do you feel sorry for yourself?
  • Are you neglecting your body? Are you overweight and eating all the wrong foods because you aren’t listening to your true appetite?
  • Are you all stuck in your mind and over thinking and over analysis? (and not in your heart)?
  • Do you keep running from therapist to therapist and doctor to doctor because you keep telling yourself there is something wrong with you?
  • Are you running into food, alcohol, disordered eating or other avoidance tactics?
  • Are you getting lost in negative relationships?
  • Despite being a very compassionate and empathic person, do you end up in a self-absorbed pickle of feeling like people take advantage of you, complaining about a lack of personal boundaries, and getting stuck in loops where you become over focused on your mind, body and health? I.e. obsessive type thinking?

Tricky one isn’t it!

So, what do we do?

We build ourselves up; eat well, exercise and become strong in body. Build ourselves mentally through challenges and facing fears; build ourselves up emotionally by allowing the feelings, being curious and not overly self-absorbed, being open to trusting and becoming increasingly self-reliant on the tough days. We manage our energy better with healthy balance of give and receive, and more than ever we spend time in nature and reflection. 

mind, body, emotions, connection to source.

Big love,
Andrea

me as i set off on a long bike ride – nourishing my mind (mental strength), body (physical strength) and emotions (being around a lot of people). While also getting earth connection in beautiful co. limerick countryside

 

Strength takes practice…..

To be and feel strong, what does this mean to you?

Fearless?
Resilient?
Courage?
Survival through hard times?
The absence of fear, anxiety or feeling afraid?

Most of equate strength with the tough nuts and hard asses, those with a good game face and an ability to fearlessly tackle everything including the stuff that would break the best of us into a hard sweat.

But have you considered that strength has many forms? Sometimes it is being vulnerable, soft, kind, compassionate, empathic. Sometimes being strong is to feel fear or anxiety and show up anyhow, to be afraid and decide to try because something says you can do it.

I see strong people every day in my world, they have fears and anxieties and yet decide to shine their light and be seen regardless; they ‘do’ despite being afraid. They don’t feel strong and yet I see someone of amazing strength right there in front of me that inspires me to the centre of my being.

Often the weak and vulnerable person that you see in the mirror, is a pillar of strength and inspiration to those around you. Your perceptions of yourself can be so different to that of others….for a moment, can you see yourself through someone else’s eyes?

Life scares a lot of us; it is important to remember this. Its like this epic balance of being afraid,, controlling things and staying stuck and challenging yourself with new things, still being terrified but living life.

It takes strength to be true to yourself, which sometimes requires saying no. It takes strength to be a person of your word, it takes strength to make changes, it takes strength to buck the norm and live differently to what society dictates. It takes strength to be open and honest and ‘soft’. It takes strength to throw yourself in because it feels right.

Living free is kinda scary!

To me strength is the person that keeps forging forwards at their own pace into the things that ask us to be more, to grow more and that scare us a little. Every one of us has a different set point, but the fact that you keep showing up and striving to be more shows great courage and strength.

Believe…

 

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